Dish-y was born out of a friendship. Michelle and I have been friends for close to 18 years now. Wow, we’re old. In all seriousness, our friendship means a lot to us and we’ve learned a few lessons along the way. I’ve compiled a list of 9 characteristics that all kick-ass friendships have.

 

1. Kick-ass friendships grow as each person does.

Life changes quickly. One minute you’re getting your driver’s license and the next minute you’re getting married. Good friendships should grow over time.

They should mature as each friend’s life changes. Maybe you don’t feel the need to be married or have kids but your best friend does. Just because you’re both at different places in your life doesn’t mean you can’t maintain a friendship.

Sure it’s going to be different but if everything stayed the same that would be pretty boring, right?

 

2. Kick-ass  friendships aren’t formed out of convenience.

We’ve all been there. You start a new job and meet a super cool chick and you two start to commiserate at work about the horrible smells of people’s lunch or your co-workers incessant smacking of their food.

Sure, these kinds of friendships are great. It’s always nice to have someone you can rely on in the office. However, what sometimes happens is that when one person leaves the job the friendship falls apart. Kick-ass friendships sometimes aren’t convenient. It can be downright inconvenient to see a friend that moved to a different city, however, you have to make those friendships worth it.

 

3. Kick-ass friendships can withstand periods of inactivity.

Michelle and I became friends in high school (if you’re good at math here is where you put together how old we are…I’ll keep my fingers crossed you’re like me and math isn’t your strong suit). College kept us separated because Michelle chose to attend IU and I chose to attend Ball State.

We each made the choice that was right for us. During this period we didn’t see each other a ton but we worked it out to see each other sometimes. After college, Michelle made the move to Nashville, TN. During that time we fell out of touch.

In fact, I fell out of touch with a lot of people. I had a lot of personal tragedy during that time and looking back was probably struggling more than I realized. Friendships and relationships suffered.

I was selfish but at the time all I could see was my own struggle.

At some point it hit me…I needed to get back in touch with Michelle and some of the others that I let slip away.

During that first reunion it was like nothing had changed except everything had changed. We both had been through so much and really could have used each other during those times. When we came back together it was like it had only been a day that had passed.

 

 

4. Kick-ass friendships don’t end because someone meets a guy.

Knowing a friend for close to 18 years means you can remember every guy she dated or had a crush on. Sorry, Austin and Rob…yes, we dated other guys before marrying you two.

I cannot remember a time during those 18 years where we ever let a guy come between us. Even when we had boyfriends we made time for each other. Now that we’re married we make time for each other!

That should never change because you have a significant other. I’m not saying your friend should take priority over your husband but showing her that she is still important to you goes a long way. Guys come and go (clearly) but your girlfriend is always there for you. Possibly with shots or wine if need be.

 

5. Kick-ass friendships remember and celebrate important life events.

A kick-ass friendship should always celebrate life’s important events. Michelle and I were in each other’s weddings. We know each other’s birthdays. I may sometimes need to be reminded of her son’s birthday but I at least always ask.

Have you heard the saying “It’s the little things in life”? Well, the same holds true for friendships. Sending a card to cheer a friend up, texting her happy birthday, being there when a family member passes away are all things good friends do.

And guess what? They don’t involve much money. Telling a friend you’re lucky to have her once in a while is a great reminder of why you two are friends in the first place.

 

6. Good friendships know that they are for a lifetime.

What I mean by this is simple. If you know going into something that it’s going to be a lifelong endeavor you work harder to maintain it. Look at marriage…if you go into it thinking this is forever, the only marriage I will ever have you are more likely to try and resolve misunderstandings.

If you ever have doubts about a friend in the beginning or they don’t show you how kick-ass they are at being your friend straight out of the gate then don’t waste your time because it will only get worse as life goes on.

 

7. Kick-ass friendships can withstand misunderstandings.

In all the years I have known Michelle I don’t recall us ever having a misunderstanding. That’s not to say there hasn’t been one but if I can’t remember it then it must not be that big of a deal, right?

Look, disagreements, fights, whatever you want to call them happen sometimes in life. We can’t all agree 100% of the time. Again, if we did life would be so boring. However, when you do have a disagreement with a friend it’s important to know how to handle it.

 

 

If the situation is heated or people have been drinking it’s not the time to discuss a disagreement. Nothing gets accomplished. Take a step back and discuss it at a later time when everyone has had time to clear their head and really think about things. Address the argument head on and as adults.

Ignoring it only leads to bigger problems down the road. Explain your point but don’t argue. Apologize when necessary.

 

8. Kick-ass friendships know how and when to apologize.

Okay, so you’ve a minor or even major disagreement with your friend. A kick-ass friend knows when it’s necessary to apologize. Even if you don’t think you’re wrong sometimes an apology is necessary.

I will repeat…even if you don’t think you’re wrong sometimes an apology is necessary.

If you’re going to apologize call your friend on the phone or speak face to face. Do not send a text or an email. It’s the chicken shit way out (for lack of a better term). Do not ever say “I’m sorry if you felt…”. No, do not say that. I’ve had this conversation with my husband before.

That is not how you phrase an apology because you’re placing the blame back on the friend for how she felt. Not on what you said or did.

I’m a big believer in remembering little things about your friends. Maybe she likes a certain kind of candy bar, drink at Starbucks or a flower. Offer the sincere apology with one of those little things that you know your friend likes. It shows you’re adult enough to apologize and a good friend who listens when she speaks.

 

 

 

9. Kick-ass friendships celebrate each other’s accomplishments.

Kick-ass friendships celebrate each person’s accomplishments.

There is no place for jealousy in a kick-ass friendship.

Did your friend get promoted yet again and you’re still stuck in a job you hate? A. You’re two different people. Meaning, you’re always going to be at different places in life. Just because she got promoted doesn’t mean you have to be doing stellar in your career. And B. If you’re unhappy about part of your life, you need to do something about it.

Take a risk.

Look for a job you love. Do things that will make you happy.

It’s one thing to vent your frustrations to your friend, however, if you’re always venting about the same thing it’s time to make a change. Be truly proud of your friends for their accomplishments because more than likely they’re proud of you, too!

 

In my 34 years of life on this planet I have learned that my personal relationships are the things that make me the happiest.

Life is all about the relationships you cultivate.

Here’s to another 18-plus years of friendship to Michelle and I.

And I wish that for each of you, too! Go kick ass in your friendships today!