7 Signs You’re in a Fantastic Place in Your Life

A recent Today show segment mentioned that age 34 is the happiest time in a woman’s life. It was like a lighting bolt shocked me. I’m 34 right now. How does this year of my life compare to others? As I reflected on my life (the good and the bad) I realized this is the happiest I’ve ever been. But why? What’s changed? Here are a few things I’ve noticed have brought me to this fantastic place in my life.

1. You’ve given up on the need to please everyone all the time.

I am a people pleaser. I know this. I want everyone to be happy. I want everyone to enjoy themselves in my home. Let’s just be honest. It’s not always possible to please everyone all the time. I’ve come to the realization if people aren’t having fun with you, in your home or with something you’ve created that’s their problem. Not yours.

When you start to truly trust your decision-making you don’t need as much validation from others. Just because someone disagrees with a decision you made doesn’t make you second-guess yourself.

2. You’ve finally figured out what qualities you’re looking for in a mate.

 I have always been a hopeless romantic. Even as a child I wanted to find love. For a very long time I didn’t know what I wanted, needed or deserved in a life partner. As I’ve gotten older things I thought were a big deal are suddenly not so much. Or things I didn’t place much value on moved up higher in the rankings. Really important with this one-notice I said qualities you’re looking for in a mate. You don’t necessarily have to have found that to say…

“I’m okay being single because this person doesn’t have the qualities I’m looking for in a partner”.

Even if you’re single you know your own relationship standards and you won’t settle for less. Those standards guide you and serve as a compass.

Never settle for anything less than an extraordinary love. 

Renee and Austin on their wedding day.

3. You’re comfortable spending time alone.

Growing up as an only child (this may confuse some of you as you’ve heard me speak about my sisters (another article for a different day) with a working, single mom I spent a lot of time alone. As a teenager and young adult I never wanted to spend time alone. I always wanted people around. In my 30’s I’ve come to relish my alone time.

I still love having people around and I love spending time with my husband but man, sometimes I like being able to sit on the couch with a glass of wine and watch my garbage television.

Another important part of this one that people struggle with is being able to go out and do things alone. Going out and eating dinner alone or having a glass of wine is not scary at all. It’s liberating! As it turns out, no one is staring at you and feeling sorry for you because you’re alone. If you’re worried about it take a look at the bar of any restaurant. There are always lots of people sitting down eating and drinking alone.

4. You’ve cut toxic people out of your life. And you’re OKAY with it.

This one is so hard. I had to make a tough decision last year. Either deal with someone who was abusive or cut them out. I was in the middle of a very bad public situation that was very stressful. I decided that I had to make a choice for me. That’s not selfish. That’s being protective of you! I cut off communication with said person. It was difficult but there comes a point in your life when you have to say enough is enough. Abusive people will always continue to abuse you until you stand up for yourself and say “I’m not taking this anymore”. The bigger part of this scenario is that you have to be okay with cutting someone off. It’s hard. I questioned myself a lot but at the end of the day realized I made the decision and I needed to own it.

5. You have figured out what makes you happy career-wise and have started doing it or have a plan to get there.

I’ve always known what I wanted to do as a career. Or at least a field. Somewhere along with the way I lost that direction. Perhaps taking a job     just to have a job when the economy is bad is just something you can’t control. However, I was working jobs that I didn’t love.

I was miserable. When you’re miserable you take it out on other people. I was just accepting these less than stellar careers and then making others unhappy because I was unhappy. I tend to give up when things get too hard.

I became complacent with doing nothing to make myself happy.

I have always loved writing. I somehow lost that throughout the years. I always had one friend pushing me to write. Sometimes to the point of annoyance.

“Why aren’t you writing? It’s what you love and you’re good at it!” It finally just hit me. I need to make this happen. It’s not going to come to me without a little effort on my part. So I started contacting places that I thought might need writers and lo and behold here I am writing for Dish-y (well, that had already started) and for publication in Indianapolis. Michelle and I are even work to start a business.

If you aren’t happy with your career path sit down and figure out what you love to do. Then make a plan of how you can do that and make money. It might take a little time, effort and ingenuity but trust me it’s worth it in the end.

6. You realize there is no such thing as “perfect”.

As women we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be the perfect friend,   sister, wife, mother, employee. It’s not realistic to think that we should all be size two (which I can tell you I don’t think I’ve ever been!). It’s not realistic to think that we should always wear makeup and have the perfect outfit for each event we attend. Sometimes you just have to let it go (you’re singing it in your head right now, aren’t you) and go out to the grocery store with no makeup.

Wear the flip flops because, lets be honest, heels hurt. Drink the glass of wine even though it’s not on your diet…maybe not the entire bottle which is a lesson I’m still teaching myself.  Oh, hell. Throw the diet out the window and ENJOY LIFE. Yes, still make time to work out to be healthy not just out of vanity.

7. You’ve stopped letting your past be a crutch for your future.

This one is huge. HUGE. You like what I did there visually? In all seriousness, for a lot of years I used my past experiences in life to be a miserable person. I held grudges about the things that happened to me. I allowed myself to be reduced by them. I made myself a victim of myself.

See, people can do a lot of nasty things to you. How you choose manifest those things is all on you.

Yes, my dad wasn’t around growing up but I realized that wasn’t my husband’s fault. Guess whose fault that was? Ultimately, mine. Yes, there is blame to be put on my dad but me being nasty and unhappy was MY FAULT. I needed to realize the longer I held on to anger and hate the more it consumed me and took time away from my joy.

Let it go, let it go. You’re singing again, aren’t you? Go on and do it. This is not to say that I have it all figured our or that my life is perfect. These are just little lessons that I’ve learned that I hope I can pass on to others to possibly spare them some of the turmoil I’ve experienced over the years. Life is too short to be anything less than happy. Work hard to create your happiness and you will be rewarded.